Am I a Bad Person for Not Wanting Any Contact With My Brothers Anymore?

Question by Maura: Am I a bad person for not wanting any contact with my brothers anymore?
I’m seventeen years old. I have two older brothers, 22 and 27. Since I was little, neither of them have been much of a “brotherly” figure. Having a ten year difference between the oldest did not really help, as we’ve never had anything in common, and he was always getting into trouble. He dropped out of school when he was 16 and continued to live in my parents basement for years and years, unable to hold on a job, etc. I blame my mother in some ways for letting it go on as much as it did. There were periodic fights between him and my other brother, (physical), he punched three holes in our wall, ripped the basement handle that leads down the stairs off, and would cause my mom to go into hysteric and bouts of depression. It caused many fights between my mom and my dad, and many times my brother and I would sit outside while they all yelled. I’ve never wanted any form of relationship with him, at all, whatsoever, and I’ve actually for many years been afraid of him.

My other brother also “dropped out” of school, though it was either drop out or expulsion. He chose the first. He’s lied to us, stolen money from me, stolen my mothers priceless family jewelry, and told lie after lie to get drugs, money, or continue to benefit his jobless existence. He also lived with us constantly. Only recently did my mother finally wise up and keep them both away. The only difference with this brother is that he’s always said he’s cared for me, and we were always somewhat closer, he taught me how to skate, etc. We had some form of a relationship, regardless of how rocky the relationship was. Now, I don’t know if I can even trust him. He’s done worse things than I think my other brother did, but I want more of a relationship with him than anything. They’ve both forced me out of my childhood before I was ready, caused me to grow up before my time, and they caused so many ruined holiday’s and family fights than anything. I want NOTHING to do with my oldest brother, but why do I even want something with my other? Recently, the oldest was staying with my mother’s mother, and he stole her money and her pain medication to get high. She needs that medicine to live. My dad gave him the choice to get out or he’d call the cops. Now, he’s in a drug rehab facilitation. As my grandma couldn’t stay alone for very long, the other brother went and stayed with her. Two days later, he confessed to my mom that he was still on drugs, (my parents had already paid for rehab twice, which meant I didn’t get to take drivers education, and we also had massive money problems at this point), he whined and complained that my mom wasn’t coming and holding his hand.

I’m so fed up. They’re both in facilitation’s now. The 22 y.o began texting me a few nights ago telling me how much he loves me and how I shouldn’t give up on him, and then asked me to stop talking to his ex-girlfriend, and he told me that she was a fake and a liar and a bitch. I don’t talk to her much, but she was in our lives for a very long time, (they were going to get married), and she’s still my friend. I don’t know if I should even believe anything he says. He’s got me warped in. Since I was probably seven, he’s stolen from me probably over 1500$ , and that’s not even counting personal items. Both of them have. I haven’t talked to the ex since, but I don’t know if I should believe him. She’s a nice girl, and she’s been there for me a lot. When my grandma died, (she and I were very, very close), last summer, she came over and stayed with me while my parents had to go do some arrangements. She’s picked me up from school before when my parents couldn’t, and we used to do movie nights.

This is a very shortened version of everything. Because of them, I had nightmares for years that gave me horrible insomnia, from the time I was eight or nine, and I have frequent panic attacks. I want to cut them out of my life, and I basically have of the oldest, but why is it so hard for me to cut out my other brother? They’ve both done horrible things. I should want them both out of my life. My best friend, who I consider my sister, feels more like a sibling to me than them. I can’t help but feel like a horrible person for it. If my mom ever found out that I wanted them out of my life, she’d be heartbroken. How do I deal with all of this pain?
The thing is, I feel absolutely no emotion for my oldest brother. Not love, nothing. My other one, I do.

Best answer:

Answer by homegirl
Have nothing to do with either of them. They will only take advantage of you and steal anything of value that you have. When they have been clean and sober for five years you can talk to them on the phone.
When you give them the opportunity to steal from you then you are enabling their behavior.

Try watching that show “Intervention” and you will learn how to deal with substance abusers.

Answer by chicki_love
It sounds like they are both very messed up and untrustworthy- maybe your wanting to have a relationship with them is not the best thing but neither is wanting them completely out of your life. But the best thing you can do is forgive them, and lift all of this weight of feeling angry at them- off of your shoulders. Forget about the things they did to you and your family. You don’t have to cut off relations with the girlfriend of your brothers. Infact, please don’t. He doesn’t control you and she is a nice person. The answer to this whole entire mess- is forgive and forget. Nothing else. It doesn’t mean trust them. It doesn’t mean do what they say and try to be nice to them. Keep things very neutral and if you talk to them and they say something thats upsetting to you, just hang up. It doens’t sound like you’ll ever have the best relationship with them, so you dno’t have to try to hard and go through all this pain.

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